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19 October 2009
on the verge of breaking down. ♥ 9:53 PM

just need to let it out somewhere.
i guess here would be the safest place.

i seek understanding,
but yet many times i receive otherwise.
is it true that nobody gets what they desire?

i feel so miserable i can die.
or maybe after i sleep tonight and wake up tmr i'll feel better.
i hope so.
feel like a total loser at this point of time,

why do i keep slacking when i know i shouldnt.
there's no time! does my brain get it?
does my flesh get it?
i dont know.
sometimes i wish all these would disappear after i remind myself how little time i have left.
but no, i just slip into slacking everyday.
right after i promise myself that i will work hard.

i have so much to study, so much to do,
where got time to emo?
dont have. no time to cry, no time to reply messages.
i should be feeling encouraged by pple who are messaging me,
i love you guys till the end of time.

but self-esteem gets on me.
i dunno how to tell anybody,
i tell my mum, she doesnt agree with me,
i just wanna cry my brains out.

my brain got no more space, yet i got to squeeze 2000 pages of things inside.
and apply it in 20 days time.
why did i believe that i will have the capacity to take a levels?
why?

this is not the seahhui that you know.
this is a super loser trying to comfort herself by vomiting her insecurity here.
shut up and study seah hui, you got no choice already.

you wont see the happy girl in me for a while.
bye.

im being such a bad example.
lousy me, leave me to die.
wish i didnt have to take a levels.
crap.

pretend you din see this.